The state of California is going through a budget crisis. They are cutting many resources in schools and raising tuition. I believe that they should not cut the budget from schools and rather cut them from other things. For example, they could stop doing unnecessary construction on the roads, give out less traffic tickets, and also spend less money on other countries.
Many classes have been cut and students will not get the opportunity to graduate in time. A lot of colleges are not letting a lot of students register for classes because it is full, and will not even let them be o a waiting list. Also, students that are from out of state have many problems. For example, they cannot enroll for classes because they are on a waiting list, or they have to pay out of state fees.
Not only are schools affected by the cuts, but a lot of other programs are affected too. For example, increasing health insurance costs for people who cannot afford it. Also, people that are low income, who also receive government programs are affected too. They have minimized their medical benefits and dental benefit. The people, who cannot afford health insurance or other benefits, cannot get the proper treatment because they cannot afford it financially.
In conclusion, the budget cuts have affected many people and programs. People with low income cannot afford health insurance and do not get the proper treatments that they or their kids need. The government should cut costs on unnecessary sending on construction of roads.
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ReplyDeleteThe writer disagrees with budget cuts on schools in California. He thinks that education is too important and we shouldn't cut their funding and should cuts those unnecessary constructions. He also mentions that the budget cuts are not only affect schools but other programs like welfare. He gives a lot of supporting details.
ReplyDeleteThere is a little grammar mistakes like "Not only are schools affected by the cuts,". It should be "Not only schools are affected by the cuts,". Some of the examples are confusing. For example, when you talk about the cuts not only affect schools but other programs, you give out an example of increasing health insurance but didn't explain why this two points are related (maybe i didn't research enough information).
One of the point i disagree is giving out less tickets because the reason they doing it is to increase government's income. Next, I think it would be better to give more data to prove your ideas. Then, i think if you compare the cuts between schools and the "unnecessary constructions" and make a conclusion that the cuts on schools isn't the best way to do, your essay will be more convincing.
I think that this author stated many great points on the affects of the budget cuts. The author sees that there are many different areas that are seeing budget cuts and other areas that are being hurt by budget cuts. The author also sees that it is not only in the schools but other parts of everyday life. This person feels that some things need more of a budget cut than that of a school or welfare programs.
ReplyDeleteThe author knows that budget cuts don’t just affect schools or programs but also people personally. They know that things need to change or they will not get better.
I did like the author’s points and thoughts. I do, however, feel like this paper is lacking more information. I think the thesis could have been a little stronger. I think the introduction is pretty good, but instead of using that for the rest of the paper the author crammed it in one paragraph. I think that this paper is almost there and to take it all they way there the author needs the paper to be a little more “meatier”. Separate the thoughts into more than one paragraph instead of putting it into one.
I liked your intro, but I think that the ticket mentioning doesn't really need to go there. You should try to go back and sequence in order what you are going to talk a bout in your thesis. You know. We wrote about the same thing. The only difference is that you provided much more things which of course makes it better. The construction support is nice because they seriously are spending too much money on any little crack they see down the road they want to start rebuilding the whole thing. =/ Instead they should retain that money and leave it to school usage.
ReplyDeleteClasses are getting too full, and many students are missing some classes needed which is not cool at all also the increase fees are ridiculous.To me your essay was good. I don't think I found spelling errors although some sentence structure a little bad.