1
School Budget Cuts
Budget cuts have taken its toll on many school subjects and extracurricular activities. A main activity it has taken its toll on is sports. Sports are a very easy target for the budget cuts because they do not affect students learning, supposively. The reason they should not cut sports is because it teaches young athletes how to learn teamwork skills that go along with being on a team, it keeps students fit and it gives students something to look forward to after a long day in school.
Sports teach students many great qualities and what it takes to win as a team and have success in whatever sport you are doing. Sports teach students teamwork, an important quality in any sports team. In baseball you can’t do all the work all by yourself in an inning alone. It takes at minimum 2 people an inning. If you tried throwing a ball to a batter without the catcher then the other team with score on you if there is a runner on base. In football a quarterback needs a receiver to get rid of the football otherwise he would get hit hard by a guy running full speed at him. Teamwork teaches students how to work together and it can also teach you how to work hard.
It is important for anybody to get exercise otherwise we would die over a health problem at a young age. A student would gain weight or will feel exhausted all the time and in class not pay attention. Students need exercise and if schools cut this then we can go down in history will the most unfit students. Soccer is a perfect example of staying fit. You are constantly running and during practice many of the drills work on core work, leg activities and endurance. This will help students stay healthier and live an active life. It will also help students to be more focus in class.
When I was in school throughout my whole childhood I was also happy and always enjoyed being in school. The thing that I looked forward to the most was recess. It always gave me something to look forward to. The teacher would sometimes let us out earlier if we got done with our work early or if always made me want to do the best work I could and really quickly. Many students are involved in school sports and are required a 2.0. Many students just go to school to have fun and fail. For those students a sport is what keeps them happy and makes life easier and when the schools require certain grades it makes the students get better grades.
Sports should not be cut from any kind of school because it teaches students skills that classes can’t teach you, sports keep students healthy and it gives students something to look forward to. Although budget cuts have been occurring sports should not be an easy target. Budget cuts go as far as cutting electives and extracurricular activities but it should not go as far as cutting sports.
I like your introduction paragraph, especially "it teaches young athletes how to learn teamwork skills". You are really certain about what your point, and that's really good. You need to look over some of your sentences, and make sure there are no run-on sentences in your final draft, because some of the sentences above are run-ons or fragments. I think your essay is good overall. You stay focus on develop your point of view as well as provides examples to back up your points. I like your childhood example; and yes, I agree with you that we can't cut sport. I think students deserve some fun moments after their tough days at school :-)
ReplyDeleteYou structure is good and have main ideas on every paragraphs. You really know sport that you even give your own experience of sport. You give a lot of examples to support your ideas. Also, the way you expand the idea is very good and easy to read. In fact, i like your writing style.
ReplyDeleteYou picked a very specific topic for budget cuts and it is pretty hard to explain it for three pages. My suggest is that you maybe change it to discuss which area of expands the government should cut, such as funding for welfare, funding for military, etc. Then, you can see the budget cuts in more aspects and have more ideas to talk about. Also, one of your main idea, " i had a very good childhood because of sport", isn't very convincing. You may think of other main idea like subjects' funding should be cut other than sport, then you may compare sport subject to other others and explain why it will work. Also, i think that it would be better to give out some data about sport can help child's mental development or about sport can improve students' emotional intelligent, etc.( :D 200 words finally)
I agree with Chau Yeuk Pei. Instead of focusing on only one subject or one specific issue about the budget cuts, you can try and search for other topics of budget cuts. Then you have the idea of how the government deals with the others, and you can compare to see which is right and which is wrong to be cut. You might want to put sport in one paragraph, because as you expand the idea, you can hardly find any convincing arguments to convince people about your point of view.
ReplyDeleteYou have a strong and valid point, It seems like you know a lot about sports, your example was very informative and you put a lot of emphasis in it. But i would try to put in different topics as well; just to expand and give the reader a different point of view.
ReplyDelete